Vancouver Countdown

God Bless the Child (That's Got Her Own)

2008-08-27T00:31:00.022-04:00

Time to take a break from these exciting entries on Vancouver construction (though we'll get back to that) and do some Beijing wrap-up before Gossip Girl comes back on television and everyone forgets the Olympics ever happened.

Right now, of course, it's still a good time to be an Olympian. Phelps is hosting SNL. Nastia is starring in a terrible movie. Bolt is running for cash, while Shawn-John is running for President. All power to them---they deserve every moment of fame they get. But this entry is about the real star of the Games...

The thrill of victory, the agony of the tiebreaker. (AP)

...He Kexin. What other athlete has gone so awesomely off the Olympic script and gotten away with it? Here's how HKX managed to smash conventional wisdom during her week of glory:

She beat the rules. Conventional wisdom says cheaters never win, even if cheating isn't cheating at all (just ask Andreea Raducan). And going into the Games, it was the world's worst-kept secret that He-r paperwork didn't match. Then the New York Times caught on and the story got wings. Then people saw the perpetually terrified (though actually of-age) Deng Linlin on TV and screamed that she had baby teeth, and weighed less than Michael Phelps's breakfast, and was probably padding her leotard to make it look like she had curves. And then China won the team gold, and still the age thing was all anyone in the U.S. could talk about. Newspapers ran big closeups of the girls' little faces. Al Trautwig said incriminatingly, "Judge for yourself: IS SHE 16?" about 600 times. Hackers protested.

And then ... nothing happened. Rogge checked out the paperwork and shrugged. The investigation continues, but in the bureaucratic sense only.

She gamed the rules. Conventional wisdom says Americans always get the benefit of the doubt (just ask Paul Hamm). And going into the uneven bars finals, the matchup as it played out in the U.S. was between Nastia, all-American sweetheart (or Russian princess of privileged stock, pick your storyline) vs. the dirty, underhanded Chinese. The stage was set for another American triumph over totalitarianism and corruption.

But not only did s-He win, she dared to do it in the most infuriating way possible---by a technicality. She tied for the gold, then proceeded to win sole possession on the basis of an unapologetically, blatantly arbitrary tiebreaking rule---she had a 9.1 and an 8.9 where Nastia had two 9.0s. The Karolyis seethed, but there was nothing they could do---she had won strictly by the rules, unless you count the fact that she was competing at all.

She flouted the rules. The first piece of conventional wisdom here is that cheaters don't really deserve to win. But this cartoon says it all: who can really protest losing to a baby who's flat-out better than you? It's like arguing that you really should have won the bike race because the winner was pedaling with training wheels.

The second piece of conventional wisdom is that the age rule is for the athletes' own good. These underage girls are victims, they're abused, they're forced child laborers, they're mindless baby puppets. (Ex: Yang Yilin after the all-around.) But s-He had the audacity not only to win controversially, but to enjoy every second of it. She giggled and pranced around the sidelines. She kept a blog where she referred to herself as the "queen of the uneven bars." After Yang turned in a superior but overlooked performance, s-He picked up her shrinking-violet teammate and presented her to the crowd so Yang could wave from their combined altitude of 5'0".

Mrmph, there's glitter in my mouth. (NBC)

And when s-He stood on the podium with the gold, pumpkin-shaped face beaming, and Trautwig sniffed, "Does He Kexin really think she won the gold?" Daggett could only say, "You know what, I think she does."

Golden. (AP/Getty)

Goodbye Bird's Nest, Hello Marshmallow

2008-08-25T20:35:00.007-04:00

So, now that Furlong has thrown down the gauntlet, it's time to do a little comparison. Let's start with the ceremonies. According to CTV, VANOC is now working a $40 million budget for its opening and closing ceremonies. That pales in comparison to the reported $300M Beijing blowout, but is pretty much in line with the $34 million spent in Torino. And you know the Torino budget had to include the cost of Pavarotti's dressing room spread, am I right? ... Too soon?

As that article mentions, this will be the first indoor opening ceremony ever. The venue is the 60,000-seat BC Place Stadium, home to the BC Lions and, unfortunately, a quintessentially bland example of 1980s stadium design.

Please, try to conceal your awe.

Of course, the ceremony could very well end up outdoors if BC Place's most prominent feature, its fluffy white air-supported roof, suffers another deflating incident like last year's embarrassing tear:

The Place assures us all that between now and 2010, it plans extensive "renovations to suites, seating, washrooms and concession stands, and enhancement of the existing roof liner." As for the roof itself, a new retractable cover is in the works, but not until after the Olympics are over, so this sentence is pointless to you and me.

All that said, holding the ceremony indoors has its pros and cons:

PROS	CONS
Ceremony unlikely to be affected by the extreme likelihood of Vancouver rain in February	Does this really scream "Olympic grandeur" to you?
Cirque du Soleil will probably hang from the rafters doing something surreal and perplexing	Been there, done that
After Beijing, organizers can just show some fireworks on the jumbotron and promise us that they're there, they're real and they'd be spectacular if we could just see them	BC Place + indoor torch = giant toasted marshmallow
Crowd of luminaries less likely to be frigid and miserable	No awesome fur hats

The fur hats win it every time.

The Heat Is Off (in Vancouver)

2008-08-24T11:15:00.006-04:00

Too hot! (AP)

So, the computer-generated fireworks in Beijing have come and gone, and while the NYT is whining that the games were "devoid of playfulness, passion and festive spirit", I think you'll all agree that they were at least kind of mindblowingly amazing on television. Which leaves this blog to ponder the inevitable next question: Vancouver, how are you going to pull this off without looking cheap and embarrassing in comparison?

The man to ask is, of course, John Furlong, CEO of VANOC (the Vancouver Organizing Committee for the 2010 Olympic and Paralympic Winter Games). Furlong spent the last two weeks in Beijing alternately watching the games and crapping his pants, then held a news conference on Friday to explain to the world just how awesome Vancouver will be in 18 months. Give the guy boldness points: He didn't hold back from pointing out the areas where he thought Beijing got it wrong:

It was too hot in the Bird's Nest.
Volunteer staff was too rigid in adhering to protocol.
The venues were too big; too many seats were empty.
Pretty lame party vibe.
Not enough protests.

Ah, that's better. (AFP/Getty)

So, John, I guess we can expect a cold, chaotic, cramped riotfest in 2010? I kid, but all things considered, that actually doesn't sound all bad. In fact, the raucous, scrappy approach is probably exactly what VANOC should be shooting for. If you can't match the spectacle, at least you can throw a better party, right?

Then again, your alterna-prom's no good unless you can convince all the cool kids to show up. So who brings the better party, winter or summer athletes? A little unscientific research is due here.

SUMMER	WINTER	WINNER!
Swimmers: After competing, proceed to get it on like jackrabbits in the Olympic Village	Skiiers: Bode doesn't have to wait until the events are over to party at an Olympic level	Winter
Runners: Two words: Nuh Linga	Speed skaters: Ohno won Dancing With the Stars; Jenner can't even keep up with the Kardashians	Summer
Gymnasts: I present to you Lyudmila Grebenkova. Oh, and Alicia Sacramone	Figure skaters: Ice dancers are fierce, and taller than four feet. Also, Kristi won DwtS, too	Winter
Basketball players: Lebron and Dwyane get first class-service in Macau	Hockey players: Can trash a hotel room with the best of them	Push
Beach volleyball players: Prone to excessive celebration after winning	Snowboarders: Prone to excessive celebration before proceeding to not win	Winter
Equestrian riders: Proper etiquette is to reward your horse after a competition	Curlers: Proper etiquette is to buy the losing team drinks after a competition	Winter

Looks like the summer Olympians got served! In the meantime, it's up to Vancouver ... to step it up and dance.